Having twins changed my perpective on a lot of things. I used to think that the snapback was as simple as physically getting back in the gym to tone, but turns out, my journey was much different than that.
I had my twins by emergency ceserean. Not that this was my original birthing plan, but I was open to whichever delivery method that was going to get my girls here safely.
After the postpartum recovery period, i noticed some things that made me feel off. I was sad more than usual and felt an exteme guilt for wanting to get alone time too. I didn’t know how to express it. Instead, I held it in to myself and it toiled into this big fiery ball of resentment for everyone around me that had the life of flexibility that I once had.
I spent most of my day breastfeeding, pumping when they slept, and waging a war on house chores so that I could appear to have it all together. Ironically enough, it was this exact obsession with keeping it together that led me to losing it all.
Deciding to Make A Change
My mental health went to complete pits after I let go of myself. It wasn’t intentional. I just couldn’t separate the tasks of taking care of my children, taking care of home, and taking care of myself. Unfortunately, this isn’t a 3-for-1 special and while I was caring for one area, another was starving for my attention. Ultimately enough, I sacrificed anything that involved my personal needs and as a result, I could never really feel ‘alive’.
I caught myself staring at my reflection in the mirror with tears streaming down my face, bags under my eyes, in an old oversized t-shirt to realize that this is NOT what I want my story to be. It was that day that I made a firm decision that a change was needed and it was time to get really selfish about myself and my time.
I set 3 goals: to get back in shape, to start doing things that I used to love doing, and to put myself first so that my kids can have a happy mom and not one that always looked and felt like crap.
This decision changed my life forever and to this day, I keep these same 3 goals in mind. So to the mama who is battling with herself, her family, and the house… choose you. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and no one wins when mama is at war with herself.